Interesting People
March 10, 2010
There’s a finite amount of time in a given day, and as I enter my 50s, I’m becoming acutely aware that the “end of the line” is not some distant destination, but something that has more and more effect on the decisions I make.
And that means I have to be very deliberate in deciding where to spend every waking minute, and with whom. So let me offer you a suggestion on one characteristic you may want to consider.
We have very close friends we’ve known for about 20 years. We’ve traded stories and strategies about raising our kids as they’ve grown up, enjoyed many great home-cooked meals together, and been successful in getting together despite both moving from the “old neighborhood” to new homes nearly an hour apart.
Whenever we meet for dinner now, alternating between their house and ours, we spend hours getting caught up on what’s happened since the last time we were together. And it’s not like we haven’t seen them for years or even months – on average, we see them every seven or eight weeks.
So how is it we have so much to talk about? I think it all comes down to a comment our friend Dale made over one of these dinners: “I like hanging out with interesting people.”
He went on to say that interesting people visit different places, try different things, and interact with other interesting people, and that these experiences make for great stories.
Think about the people you hang out with – are they interesting to be around? Do they have stories to share about their adventures and experiences?
Do they have a positive upbeat outlook on life? Or do they just bitch and moan about how horrible everything is and how miserable their lives are?
The people you surround yourself with have an influence on your attitudes, on your disposition, and on your life in general. Why not surround yourself with interesting people?
The 24-Hour Rule
March 2, 2010
I get angry sometimes. I try not to get angry over the little stuff; but some days it just seems like there’s a global conspiracy of stupidity that somehow finds its way to my doorstep, complicating my business life and spilling over into my personal life.
If you’re looking for a specific example, I don’t have one in particular this week – but I’m sure if you think back over the last few days, you’ll almost certainly come up with an experience of your own that fits the bill.
And that’s actually sufficient for our purposes, since what I really want to talk about is not the frustrating situations themselves, but rather our reactions to these experiences. Our tendency is to respond with a knee-jerk reaction, lashing out at the source of the irritation with the full force of our disappointment, dismay, and outrage, and doing so immediately.
I’d like to suggest an alternate approach that has proven successful – if not always in resolving the situation, then at least in helping me relax a bit in the face of the problem, and, as often as not, get a better resolution.
It’s a simple strategy I call “The 24-Hour Rule” and it’s as simple as the name implies: when something has you so angry and upset that you feel the need to do something about it right now, stop, take a deep breath, and wait 24 hours. Here are a few examples:
A friend reveals to others something you told her in confidence? Wait 24 hours.
A client completely rewrites an agreement you sent for approval? Wait 24 hours.
Lines at the airport security checkpoint almost make you miss your flight? Wait 24 hours.
Sometimes it’s difficult to allow yourself that cooling-down period, but there are three reasons you should at least try:
1. You’ll be thinking more clearly when you’re not in a blind rage
2. The time will let your brain come up with more creative solutions to the problem
3. You won’t get yourself so wound up with consuming rage that you damage your health
Of course, not all situations need this kind of deliberate approach, and, in fact, some situations do require immediate action. But in most cases you’ll find this a good strategy that delivers surprisingly positive results.
High-Speed Internet?
February 24, 2010
Perseverance and focus are good and admirable traits. But sometimes, the odds are just stacked too much against you.
I was at my hotel in Atlanta preparing for a great program the next day. Since I got in early the day before the program, as I usually do, I had some time on my hands that I had planned to use to get some videos edited and uploaded. Of course, this was going to require a fast internet connection, so I “bit the bullet” and signed up for the hotel’s internet at $9.95 for the day.
I had a few calls to make, so rather than burn my cell-phone minutes, I used my Skype account to make the calls with my headset on the computer. Immediately, I noticed that the quality of the calls was poor. I mean really bad. So I checked the speed of the connection (usually the culprit) and found that my “high-speed” internet was actually slower than a dial-up connection.
A quick call to the front desk, and they said I had to talk to the provider’s technical support line, and they would be glad to transfer me. I did get transferred, but to a recording that said, “I’m sorry, your call can not be completed as dialed; please try again later.”
Assuming that the front-desk clerk had somehow keyed in the wrong number, I called down there again; got transferred again; and got the same message. I asked for the number so I could try it myself, and got the same message.
If you’re like most people, you get annoyed about things like this happening. But at some point, it becomes comical and you just have to take a deep breath, let out a big sigh, and find something else to do instead.
There’s an old saying that the only good thing about banging your head against the wall is that it feels so good when you stop.
If you find yourself in that kind of situation, it may just be the universe telling you to take a step back and rethink what you’re doing. I didn’t complete my video projects that night, but I did get some other important work done. And the program the next day – the reason I was there in the first place – was very successful, so all in all, the trip was great.
Sometimes it’s important to work through a challenge, and make sure you know when it’s time to “regroup” when life seems to be throwing too many roadblocks your way.
Let’s Give it to the Agency
February 24, 2010
It’s important to seek out and utilize resources that have more experience in a particular field than you do. But what happens when their expertise is…well, wrong?
Yesterday, I was on a consulting webinar call with one of our Business Self-Defense Gold Coaching members. He had sent in some of the various marketing pieces he was working on so I could make some suggestions that would help improve their effectiveness and response.
While we were both viewing one of the samples on our respective screens, I pointed to an entire section at the bottom of the page where there were logos of the various organizations and associations his company belonged to.
I suggested that these were not necessary, since they added nothing to the message that would encourage the desired response from the reader.
I heard laughter on the other end of the call, followed by, “Yeah, I didn’t even put them there. I had someone helping out with the design, and he actually tracked down the logos and added to the page without checking with me first.”
The person helping him was, by all accounts, a “design professional,” trained to produce attractive, pleasing ads. Here’s the problem: nowhere in that description did I use the words, “Trained to produce ads that will get people to jump out of their seats, visit a web site to request information; pick up the phone to call; or pull out their credit cards to buy something.”
Oh, the ad looked nice, but the logos and several other “design elements” took up valuable space that could have been much better utilized with testimonials, descriptions of value, and calls to action.
Unfortunately, most staffers at ad agencies are nothing more than artists pretending to be business people. Who do you want handling your marketing materials? Make sure anyone you entrust with even the smallest piece of your budget can deliver tangible, measurable results.
You Made Me End a Relationship!
February 18, 2010
We just got back from an unexpected and unpleasant trip to New York. Three months after my mother passed away, we had to attend my aunt’s funeral, held at the same chapel and cemetery.
Many friends and family members got up to share their memories of my Aunt Flora. Common themes were her intelligence, phenomenal cooking abilities, and love of family, especially her 54-year marriage to my Uncle Lou.
They were truly in love, and it showed every time I saw them.
One of the last people to speak at the service was their aide, Nicki. Towards the end, my aunt’s health was failing, and they had a full-time aide to assist them in the daily chores.
Nicki told the group how she had never known a couple like Lou and Flora, and didn’t know until then what a relationship was supposed to look like. She then offered a personal note, that she had been in a bad relationship when she started working with my aunt and uncle, and that, upon seeing and appreciating their relationship, immediately ended her own, knowing that she shouldn’t have to settle for less.
Her exposure to their relationship influenced her in profound ways, just as the people you surround yourself with affect and influence you.
They may not save you from a bad personal situation, but they will affect your mindset, your outlook on life, and, ultimately, the results and outcomes you achieve.
Federer’s Record
February 18, 2010
My wife and I enjoy watching tennis, so when the Australian Open was on a few weeks ago, we taped a lot of the matches and watched the men’s final with some friends.
It was going to be an exciting match, with Andy Murray from Scotland going for his first Grand Slam win. Unfortunately, he was playing Roger Federer who is arguably the best ever to play the game on the men’s side – and he’s not done yet.
At one point in the match, when Murray was in danger of losing the second set in the best-of-five match, the statisticians fed this bit of information to the on-air announcers:
Roger Federer’s record when leading 2-0 in Grand Slam matches is 151-0.
That’s right, when he’s up two sets to none, he’s won 151 of those matches and never lost a single one. And this is just one of the amazing statistics he’s racked up over the years.
So what does this mean to Andy Murray on the other side of the net? It means that if he doesn’t hold on and win that second set, his chances of coming from behind to win the match are virtually nonexistent.
In fact, he lost both the second and the following set to lose the match. To listen to Federer, the outcome was never in doubt after the second set. His confidence borders on cockiness, but he does back it up.
What this means for you is that you have to do everything you can to amass a collection of successes – small ones at first, and then bigger and more significant ones. It will help give you a level of confidence that will inspire trust to help you get and keep new customers, clients, and members.
Hills Make Me Happy!
February 11, 2010
I like to get my workouts done in the morning. That way, I have no excuses at the end of the day – “I’m too tired…” “I have too much to do…” You get the idea.
So there I was, early on Saturday morning in a “spinning” class – a high-intensity workout on a stationary bike with a heavy metal flywheel to simulate the feeling of actually being on the road.
Our instructor that day, Becky, was teaching an outstanding class, the central theme of which was hills and more hills.
“Increase the tension!” she screamed above the music. “Now increase it again!” When she saw the pained expressions on the faces of the class, she smiled and shouted, “Hills make me happy to be alive!”
It was funny enough to distract the class, but as is the case with most seemingly mundane things, it also has profound implications for us in our business and personal lives.
Yes, hills on a bicycle are no fun – they drain you of your energy; they have an effect on your mental outlook; and, well, they hurt!
But they also make you a stronger rider. And that’s the important point: anything that comes easily contributes very little to personal development. Real growth comes from facing and overcoming adversity, whether that adversity takes the form of a difficult boss, a challenging personal situation, or something as simple as climbing a hill on a bike.
So if you want to get better – at whatever it is you do, you should get used to some hills along the way…and maybe even learn to like them.
“Gut Feeling”
February 3, 2010
We pay a lot of attention here to making decisions based on facts and data – not on feeling and conjecture. There’s a lot to be said for that, as it forces you to pay close attention to tangible outcomes and results instead of investing thousands of dollars because you think it might be the right thing to do.
But there are times when “feelings” can – and should – have a significant impact on your decision-making process.
I read a story a number of years ago about a New York City fire captain, who, upon arriving at the scene of a building and walking into an apartment, immediately ordered all of the other firefighters out of the apartment – NOW.
Seconds later, the floor they had all been standing on just seconds before gave way…and fell into the burning apartment just one story below.
When they interviewed the fire captain afterward, and tried to understand what had led to the immediate action that quite likely saved several lives and many injuries, he said that he didn’t know exactly what it was, but something told him there was something terribly wrong with the situation.
Later on, he was able to piece together exactly what it was: the floor was hotter than it should have been, and yet there was no smoke in the apartment. That told him, unconsciously, and as a result of years of experience, that the fire must have been burning directly below.
The “gut feeling” was just his body compiling this information and feeding it to him in the quickest and most efficient way possible under the circumstances.
Similarly, our brains collect and process information continuously, and feed the results back to us in a variety of ways – including kinesthetically – through intuition, hunches, and gut feelings.
And you can probably think of a time when you had something like this occur, ignored the feeling, and paid a price for it.
Gut feelings aren’t a substitute for measuring key areas of your business and acting on tangible results. But they can be an additional factor – one that can give you an edge over the competition if used properly.
“Spring Cleaning”
January 27, 2010
Last week was a very long one: we spent seven days, virtually non-stop, cleaning out my mother’s apartment. You may remember that she passed away in November, and this was a task we were all dreading.
And not only because of the emotional impact, but also because of the sheer scale of what she had accumulated, living in the same place for 45 years as she did.
My mother didn’t like to throw anything out, and we had an incredible number of individual papers to go through, most of which went right out the door, along with about 30 large (contractor size) bags of clothing that got donated.
My sister and my wife both left the place with an urgent desire to undertake a similar exercise at their own homes because they suddenly had become aware of the impact that clutter was having on them personally.
I know from personal experience that when I start falling behind at work and the papers on my desk start piling up, my stress level rises and my productivity declines.
Many people have a tradition of performing a major “spring cleaning” on their homes; why not take a few hours and do something similar at work? At the very least, it will make you feel better, and in all likelihood, it will make you more productive.
The Kardashians: Then and Now
January 27, 2010
I listen to people complain constantly about all sorts of things, and then watch them act in a way that actually perpetuates the exact thing they’re complaining about.
They complain about not having enough money, but spend way too much on things they really don’t need. They complain about not having enough energy, but don’t do activities that will energize themselves. And they complain about not having enough time to get everything done, but squander their free time on mindless distractions.
In all fairness, I’ve been guilty of all three of these from time to time, with the entrepreneur’s fascination with “bright shiny objects” being one of my biggest problems. And yet, people seem to have such a fascination with other people’s lives that entire publishing empires exist just to serve this market.
On my two most recent trips to the supermarket, I’ve glanced at the magazines displayed at the checkout aisles. Us Weekly featured the headline:
The Kardashians: Then and Wow!
USA Today featured an article about Kate (from “Jon & Kate Plus 8″) and her 20-hour hair makeover with this headline:
Kate Gosselin Puts Some Curl in Her New Hair
Articles about people who are famous for, well… being famous . And we haven’t even gotten into Brad and Angelina, Tiger’s “rehab,” or whole magazines dedicated to television soap operas.
There’s nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself to just relax and do something mindless like read a trashy novel or watch something on TV (“Modern Family” is our current favorite), but too much of anything can be dangerous, and spending too much time worrying about the lives of celebrities – or even fictional characters – robs you of valuable time you could be spending on more important things.
Take a few minutes and think carefully about what’s commanding your attention. Focus on what’s truly important, and maybe you’ll become so successful that someone will write a magazine article about you!
